Have you ever thought you would pray for things to be stable? Sound a bit dull to you? I never thought I would either…
Last year was a good one for me in a lot of ways.
I arrived home on Dec 31st from a ten day journey to Israel, a place I had never been but always wanted to go. I found peace learning about my heritage and background…especially rewarding since my dad was extremely connected to the Jewish faith. His Judaism wasn’t something we had the chance to discuss all the time because of his illness but when we did I could see his eyes light up. The window into a previous, healthy life. I couldn’t believe I had the good fortune to visit my homeland with other like-minded cool entertainment people with similar interests…and completely for free!
Refreshed and recharged, here I was on January 1st. Spiritually connected and professionally motivated after a serene experience. New friends who were all in entertainment and all lived just a stones throw away?! (Okay fine…30 mins in traffic away. It it LA people…lol) I was stoked.
I had a cool job hosting at Clevver, an inspirational platform that young girls loved and connecting with kids + teenagers is pretty much my favorite thing to do.
So I had awesome new friends. I had a sweet gig that ended up being incredibly rewarding and fun. Then a new manager who I loved working with and actually saw me for me. And then a new agent. And then a boyfriend (also from the Israel trip who I am still dating.)
I often found myself overwhelmed with how new and busy and exciting and yes…amazing…my life truly was. I had never
felt like my life was amazing before. I didn’t even know how to accept that level of happiness.
On so many levels…I had a pretty cool life on paper.
My mom had been having some minor weird health stuff going on like breaking her wrist while playing tennis and then limping, which was a bit weird…so she made an appointment.
Nobody expected the diagnosis to be stage 4 breast cancer that had already metatstatized to her bones before giving her a chance to fight off the initial tumor in the first place, wherever that was…
It felt like nothing else I had going for me really mattered because what was the point of any of it if my mom wasn’t able to feel her best? Or wasn’t happy anymore? Or worse…wasn’t alive.
I am happy to report that a year later she is doing amazingly well. It’s not easy to explain and it’s not all roses. Despite modern medicine being great, the side effects of what’s available are never fun. (Actually…they’re super scary, weird, unexpected, and to be honest really gross.
This year for me was about forgiving and accepting life’s circumstances and the cards that I was dealt. I’m always curious about what the next chapter and year will hold for me….I hope for a lot of good things but most importantly I hope for my mom to have another rockstar year of stability. And yeah, it may sound a bit sad. Dull even. But with her circumstance we can’t pray for remission…so I am going to pray for stability. Life doesn’t always have to be a big exciting leap and jump and improvement. It can be stable. And I appreciate that now that more then ever. So if your life isn’t exactly expecting or preparing for a big change…that’s okay. So many NYE blogs and pics make us feel pressured into making these large quantum leaps. Get shiz done! Be a new you! Take the plunge and change everything!!
I do believe in the power of thinking big and manifesting positive change for yourself. But I also believe that you are already pretty cool. So if you’re feeling stable, I feel happy for you…because that’s more then some people have <3.