I included this story in my newsletter announcing my podcast party this week. Thought that I would share it here, too. Enjoy your Sunday everyone!
"Grief is loss with nowhere to go." I ponder my 19-year old self saying goodbye for the last time -- note: it wasn't the first. And yet, everyone tells you saying goodbye is a gift: "You're so lucky." What a peculiar experience... to wish a person who knows they will soon leave this world farewell. To a person who couldn't reply, as they had lost their voice over a year ago. To a person who couldn't move. To a person who had been paralyzed for over a decade. To a person who was at one point a lawyer, father, brother, and friend. But perhaps a person who was most known for being "the guy in the wheelchair" or "the guy with ALS." To a person who no longer dazzled, committed, or cared. To a person who was also your dad.
Illness, grief, and loss have shaped and colored many of my experiences growing up as a young woman in today's world. I didn't choose it but I wouldn't trade it. Grief is crying every single day for years. Grief is years later, no longer crying at all. Grief is missing a person who isn't there. Grief is wanting someone, but no longer needing them.
This podcast is my story and it is everyone's story. It is everything about me and not at all about me. It is what happened to my dad and it is what happened to you. While I no longer ponder my dad on a daily basis, I reflect on the time when I did... something deep inside of me felt called to go back to that place, and to perhaps share a piece of him with you. To share what looking death in the face can be before you know what it means. To loving someone who couldn't love you back. To finding a friend inside of a man who raised you and letting the friend go. To helping decide when he should go. To watching him let go, and to letting go yourself.
I really resonate with the quote: "Grief is loss with nowhere to go." Maybe this podcast could be a place to go...
Listen to Dying of Laughter on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify or right here at this link.
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